The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
