I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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