Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
