Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
