I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
