Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
