this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just gift wrapped bread.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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