Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
