New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
