Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
