I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize