This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
