Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
