where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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