You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
