I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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