The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize