you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
