when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
