People in love make me want to vomit
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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