Someone shit on the floor
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
