you guys were way drunker than both of me
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
