You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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