that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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