I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
