I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
