through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
How external is "for external use only"?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Someone came in the potted fern
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
