No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
