cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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