you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
