3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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