You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
hotel room ftw
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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