Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
