I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
