Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I think people are normalizing furries
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
