He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
