I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
