You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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