Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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