Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
