I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
