I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
