It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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