NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
