Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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