O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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