Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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