I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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