I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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