I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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