Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
