soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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