I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
