Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
