hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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