dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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