Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I am midnight drunk by noon
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
