It's like a parade of train wrecks.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
