she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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