What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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