just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize