I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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