You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
