I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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