yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
