i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
