just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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