He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
