I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I came so hard my ears popped.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
