Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
it's like iHOP with fire
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
