i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
