dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
