I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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