i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
