Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
