so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
