Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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