I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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