i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
