Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
