He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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