This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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