Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize