so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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