Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
