RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
