I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
