the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
