:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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