I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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