I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
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