ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
