The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
