I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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