I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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