hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
