last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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