Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
