Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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