Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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