great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
