i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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