I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
