I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
